“Ondu half tea heLi Anil” :P

“Ondu half tea heLi Anil”, yeah that’s how my love affair with chai started. it was one of my best buddies who introduced me to half cup chai in our college canteen, then another friend’s mom who used to make tea for all of us when we crash landed in her house and my love for the drink has grown in leaps and bounds and sometimes I have felt that we (my gang of engineering college buddies) have come a long way from the quintessential ‘half-cup’…on second thoughts…maybe not

We have now enough money in our pockets to buy ourselves fancy teas in ‘Infinitea’ or the sad tea of a Coffee Day,But I don’t think any of those can match up to the teas drunk bunking classes and lazing in college long after the canteen was almost deserted.

Somehow tea drinking is hardwired to happy memories in my brain and maybe that’s why I love it so much. I still remember the early morning rides during my night shift days, just to have a glass of tea on MG road from the road side chaiwalah or the drive down to Shivajinagar , all for a cup of tea in the by-lanes!

From the élite black tea to the humble sweetened milky chai, from the flowery chamomile tea to the healing green tea…I love them all. But I love the road side/ bakery cha the best! I truly believe that its the glass cups that they serve the tea in that makes all the difference! I have long since wanted to replicate the taste at home and searched for those glass shots through the web and everywhere else. One of my friends suggested that I go to the chaiwala himself and ask for a few!…AND…I did just that!! Oh! and he gave me five brand new glasses for Rs.6 each, all the while grinning and looking at me like I had lost my marbles but what the heck, today morning I had my ginger tea in those glasses and tea never tasted this good, ever!

Isnt it strange how a glass of tea represents to me the beauty of solitude as well as the pleasures of company?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I will leave you with this and hope you all relish your cuppa a bit more after reading this….

“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. “
Eleanor Roosevelt

Go on, throw your hat over the fence!

I have always been a firm believer in this snippet of wisdom of ‘throwing one’s hat over the fence’. Most of the things I have learnt in life have been this way. It’s a mantra that has always worked for an habitual procrastinator like me.

Before I am off on a rant, let us sorta explore what the fence is and why I am so keen on everyone throwing their hat over it..

The fence is to me a lot of wooden logs of thoughts firmly entrenched in the ground. These are the thoughts that make us insecure – the ‘what ifs’ of our lives!These are the thoughts that make us the most insecure…what if my husband left me? what if I had to raise the kid alone? what if I lose my job? What if I had to die friendless..you get the idea. The fence of ’what ifs’ is generously coloured by societal conditioning which tells us that we wont be able to do without falling into a set pattern, the blueprint of life already owned and propounded by people around us.

Yeah, you could live your life within this fence, but your heart cannot thrive! Throw your hat or in this case heart outside the fence and see what lies beyond..You will find that we are always much stronger and resilient than what we thought we were!

The fence sometimes could be a shit pile of work which scares you even before you start doing the job. Throw your hat over the shit pile and then you will have to go through it to get your hat!

I have always wanted to go trekking near snow-capped mountains..feel miniscule before the towering giants of nature. There were and still are so many reasons I can dig up to not go..I do not have the desired physical fitness levels, I am a mom..how can I leave my kid for so many days..blah blah..but I am going to throw my hat over the fence and declare on the world-wide web that I am going to go to ‘Valley Of flowers’ In Uttaranchal this July and I am doing it alone (But would love it if any of you showed interest in accompanying me).

There, I have done it now!!

These are the people I am going with-

http://getoffurass.com/india-trips/item/29-trek-himalayas-valley-of-flowers-hemkund-sahib-satopanth-lake-garhwal-uttarakhand

Now all that is left to do is to go and get my hat back

Wish me luck people.

“So pack up your troubles and take a step forward -
The process of change can be tough,
But think about all the excitement ahead

There might be adventures you never imagined
Just waiting around the next bend,
And wishes and dreams just about to come true
In ways you can’t yet comprehend!

Perhaps you’ll go places you never expected
And see things that you’ve never seen,
Or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds
And wonderful spots in between!

So keep putting one foot in front of the other,
And taking your life day by day…
There’s a brighter tomorrow that’s just down the road -
Don’t look back! You’re not going that way!”

                                                          – Anonymous

 

Love at first sight…nada..not for me and that is allright :)

 “There is no greater love than that between a mother and her child”.. havent we all heard this over and over? Mothers are given divine status especially in Indian society.

But there have been many a time when I have felt that there are so many things unsaid and unheard of, in the experience of becoming a mother.

(I also thought of calling this post “Things I wish I knew when I became a mom” )

I had read Dr.Spocks book on pregnancy and few others while I was expecting. I was able to handle the pregnancy pretty well..but no one told me what awaits me at the other end.. except for one of my lady managers who once let slip that she wasnt in love with her kids from the go..to quote her exact words “mother-athva didn’t come to me as soon as I gave birth”

I did not fall in love with the baby as soon as he was placed next to me. He was a responsibility that I had to handle and in the first days of sleeplessness, adjustments and cleaning poop and barf and feeding the baby every two hours, I did not feel love..instead I felt angst, frustration and a myriad other not so positive emotions.

One of them was anger..a lot of anger..at having bitten off more than I can chew!

This would have been so much bearable had I been told before hand what to expect..but somehow this piece of information escaped me completely. I also saw a close relative who seemed to be in love with her baby instantaneously..so many times in those never-ending nights have I wondered if there was something wrong with me. It was probably only my granny who has given birth almost ten times to tell me that what I was going through was OK, to be expected and the love would come..in its own time..and it did..probably around three months of delivery, I fell in love!

It also helped that my baby was a good sleeper on most days..I did manage to get around 7-8 hours of sleep with a few breaks in between though…

I know a woman who sounded surprised when I told her I was getting that much sleep..maybe I was just lucky!!

Having a baby causes a lot of stress,puts a strain on your marriage and other relations in your life..that is a fact. I havent seen anyone come out of it unscathed.(albeit to different degrees.)

In the process I have learned that anger is OK. There have been many a times when I have walked away from my son in boiling anger, lest I do something I might regret. For our previous generation, it was OK to spank the child or give him/her a loud talking to..but we are the know it all and do it right the first time breed. We have no vents for our anger and feel extraordinary guilt if we express it. I am still debating in my head if expression of anger in the form of sarcastic or hard words might not be as dangerous (if not more) to a kid as a momentary flash of anger in the form of a slap on the butt or a few loud words..

No I have not perfected the art of anger management, but I have learnt to ask for help when I need it..and that makes me a better mother and a better human being. I have learnt to put myself first in a few areas of life and it makes me way less bitter!

I love my son..probably the most I have felt for another human being. But the truth is child rearing is taxing, draining and very challenging as well.

There are going to be moments of heart melting joy, a warmth un-expressable..the love that courses through me when in his sleep he reaches out to touch, to make sure I am around and then snuggles into me, pressing his bony back into my tummy, drawing my hand over him like a belt and enclosing my palm with both of his..its just beyond words.

The other end of the spectrum also exists where in moments you do not want all of this anymore, days when you crave for freedom, for not having to be so responsible.. I have come to terms that these moments exist and will visit me now and then. But I also know that I love the little boy and that love will persevere.

I have spoken to a lot of moms and they feel a lot of what I have written about..if not all.

Are you the superwoman, perfect mama? Or the imperfect mom who loves? Was it love at first sight for you?

All I know is that , this imperfect mother feels absurdly proud of her sons everyday milestones and the smallest achievements and loves him nuts…and hopes that love will suffice..

 

 

 

 

 

The Gift of the Magi

‘The Gift of the Magi’ is one of the most popular short stories by O Henry. This was also one of the first few stories I heard from a journalist uncle of mine that have remained etched in my mind’s eye (my uncle is a great story-teller). This story has been rehashed so many times, the plot used with slight modifications in so many movies and plays..but nothing ever can come close to the slight twist I felt when I heard the original first.

The story is about Jim and Della, a newly wed couple in a modest flat. They each have one prized possession, Della’s lovely long hair and Jim’s gold watch. It is christmas time and they want to buy a gift for each other but do not have much money. So Della sells her hair and buys a chain for Jim’s watch. Jim comes home and has an inscrutable expression on his face when he finds Della without her glorious mane. He would have sold his watch to buy combs for her! Though their gifts are completely useless to each other, the happiness they get out of it is beyond measure. The extent to which these lovers would go to ensure each other’s happiness makes for a beautiful story.

The story ends with the author comparing these two to the Biblical Magi-

“The magi, as you know, were wise men – wonderfully wise men – who brought gifts to the new-born King of the Jews in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents. Being wise, their gifts were no doubt wise ones, possibly bearing the privilege of exchange in case of duplication. And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children in a flat who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of their house. But in a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the Magi.”

As I cleaned my bookshelf I unearthed a long forgotten but a well treasured gift from a once close friend – The entire collection of O Henry’s short stories! I have spent a good part of the mornings for the past few days relishing the stories..

Somehow it all tied up so neatly together – The story of a gift, the gift I received long ago which came back to give me many a joyous moments..

If that friend ever happens to read this then ‘noboborsher preeti o shubheccha …….’ !!

If you are interested to find out more about O Henry-

http://www.readbookonline.net/stories/Henry/108/

http://www.literaturecollection.com/a/o_henry/

 

 

 

I will miss you ‘long weekend’ !

I had four days of leave, the key word being ‘had’. Yes, and they are over now and I am back to the regular grind of work-home-work routine. I think I hate driving in the traffic more than anything else…but a girl’s gotto do what she has to.

But I had four days off and relished each one of them.

Had loads of fun with my son (you see how fun and son rhyme even! actually child and wild also rhyme..but that is not what this post is gonna be about )

On Friday, me and my kiddo made easter eggs..yeah, seemed like a fun thing to do and we had all the supplies on hand and YES..you are about to get a ‘How to make easter eggs’ tutorial

Disclaimer: A few pics can gross you out. Be forewarned before you scroll down any further.

Make two holes, one at the top and the other at the bottom using a sharp object..make the bottom hole slightly wider.

My son was a champion blower outer

For making omelette later

three clean, dry egg shells to work with!

  

We then stuck them onto empty bottle caps to make them stand..and thats it actually! Oh, yeah..we also ate a lot of ice creams and went to a small hill station. What did you do the past weekend?

Through the eyes of a 3 year old…

My son has taken to photography in a big way…what I mean is he has been using my phone to click away. Some of the photos have  turned out to be really interesting..some hilarious and some adorably cute! Since I chose not to inflict the torture on myself alone, here are some selected samples

A wound just about healed... a lil boy's battle scars

                         

A teddy bear caught in the web of...umm..a mosquito net

                                                                                          

Tell me..where else would you find a white tiger and a jet plane together??

    

Whiskers on kittens...

 

 

 

seld-portrait

  

Mom=food

    

The current rage..

      

Leash and slippers...art photography I say!

        

Another set of mother son duo

      

The photographer himself...he has very definite ideas on how I should shoot him

                                                                                    

 Me thinks the kiddo has definite possibilities in a photography career, but that’s just a biased mother speaking . Hope you people found it as funny and cute as I did..if you didn’t, sorry for serenading you with all of …this !

Ballet at the traffic signal!

At the silk board traffic signal..

Dance is when the barrier between the body and the soul ceases to exist. Dance is liberating, rejuvenating, has always been for me. To see masters of this craft at work is equally wonderful!

Everyday, I get stuck in the Silkboard traffic signal and everyday nature puts up a show for our sakes. Not sure how many of us there  watch this spectacle.

At-least a hundred birds, rise from the swampy land on the other end, soar into the sky in a graceful ark and then fly in formations back and forth a couple of times and then they disperse…they break rank and just fly away in different directions.

It is most beautiful to watch( and I am not even sure what sort of birds they are and why they do what they do!).

It is that moment in the day for me when I am completely at peace, in tune with nature and let my spirit soar along with the birds.

These are the ballerinas/ballerinos, perhaps a tad more graceful than the human variety..as they rise and fly and swish from one direction to another.. bring a lot of joy to anyone who cares to watch!

Happy women’s day

Do we need a day, I don’t know. But it helps to take time out to appreciate those around us. I have always liked days of celebration.

Today is one such. A happy women’s day to all the women in my life. Some happy and flirty, some struggling but strong, some weakened by life’s struggles, trying to find a foothold in this life, some are all about love and sacrifice, some are about patience and tolerance…its dedicated to all of you.

I wouldn’t be what I am without all of you in my life.

I can’t say anything better than Maya Angelou, so I wont even try, but leave you with her words..you phenomenal women..

“Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
“

Maya Angelou

A new world with old(er) eyes :)

The world is as many times new as there are children in our lives.

                                                                                                   – Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

Today, started out beautifully.I woke up after an undisturbed sleep of eight hours at 7:00 AM (yeah that’s early for me). My son woke up crying and when I tried to soothe him, he told me it was a dream and he had been crying in his dream. I was dumbstruck that my little boy has grown up so much, that he now needs no soothing about a nightmare, can make out that nightmares are unreal…

He demanded for the walk that I had promised yesterday. So I put aside the book of short stories that I have been yearning to read (for some time now) and off we went!

In the slightly chilly, but golden morning, it was beautiful to see the world around me with eyes of a 3-year-old. For them there are not just the seven wonders of the world but seven million of them.

They say a picture speaks more than a thousand words..so I am going to leave you with a few (they also speak a tad about my ahem..photography skills )

Amma..do you know how hard it is to find just the right stick??

 

 

 

Yeah..this is the one..

                                    

So many things..new and interesting..lemme just take a look!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He actually went and spoke to the butterfly!!..'chitte' as he calls it and it almost seemed to listen to him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Checking out the touch-me-nots and some very bad photography by me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have a great day and a wonderful weekend ahead. Keep smiling

Life is not fair, it wasn’t meant to be fair!

Of late, I have felt like lashing out at nobody in particular at the unfairness of all that was/is happening to me. It just wasnt fair. I wasnt meant to end up like this! How could my friends X, Y and Z have all that I could have ever dreamed of and not me?? I have felt envious..yes.

Today I just want to say “Thank you, Susan!”. If you want to know who Susan is, click the link.

This is what she says: “Life is given to each of us.  We each get one shot at this sucker, and we are never really told that it will be fair.  We each get one life, one daily wage, and that’s it.  The guy next door gets one life to live.  The mom down the street gets one too.  No one ever promised us the same life, the same opportunities, the same blessings, or the same time to live.  No one ever promised that.  We are promised one opportunity, one life”. (Read full post.)

Life probably wasn’t meant to be fair. Imagine the times you have just managed to scrape through the exams you had hardly studied for . What would  our fates be if life started being fair about everything! We only complain when we think we are not getting our due. Just remember the several times, we have more than our fair share of success, glory and love.

I have a wonderful supportive family and friends who have held my hand, been my punching bags and everything else in between when I demanded it. I have an awesome kid who is healthy, has been born with ten perfect toes and fingers. I have my health intact. I have a job that I like going to everyday! That is more than my fair share of blessings, I say!

Susan, a cancer patient with a rare form of cancer passed away on the 6th of this month. I happened to come by her blog and what she wrote was just what I needed today…to remind me to count my blessings, my unfair share of treasures in life, to remind me of how lucky I am!

To also remind me not to compare my life, my journey with that of others. I do not and cannot understand another’s journey and their pitfalls.

She also writes this as her mantra:

“Mantra:

All that survives after our death are publications and people.”

It finally boils down to what you write, your words, your actions that write the words of your character and relationships – people..for those are the only things you will be remembered by.

Take time today to just count the treasures in your life. To remember and be grateful for the good things and just be grateful for this life..the unfair life

Love and peace,

PP.