Ohk …. Am back after a long hiatus. Lots of things happening in my life. Learnt a bit (the hard way as always) and am here to share gyan.
Now that the statutory warning is over let me get down to the business of writing this blog.
Someone very recently gave me a huge gift. The person made me realise that it is OK to lose, it is OK to go wrong, it is OK not to run as fast and hard in the rat race (atleast sometimes). Seems like a huge burden has been taken off my shoulders.
I am not what you would call a control freak…I just seem to lose it totally when things dont go as I plan or people dont behave the way I expect them to…..now and then I do try to control every facet of my life…you know, just a normal submissive girl…
Honestly, I am not a control freak but like everyone else I was trying too hard and seemed to be going too fast. Always thinking about the review at the end of the year. Wondering which one of my actions would alter the perception(my managerial bullshitometer is going high all the time) of my manager. Wondering how to get noticed in this throng of workaholics. But that someone, made me realise that it is OK to be myself. I will be and should be accepted for what I am.
Every moment of our lives we keep prioritising. Categorising the things that need to be done.
But in all this mele we tend to forget ourselves and forget what we really want. I had stopped asking myself what I really wanted to do and went about doing things that I felt I had to..both in my personal and professional life. I HAD to work extra hours, I HAD to attend the function, I HAD to take up an exam…..but then I realised I did not HAVE to do any of these things. It was and always will be a personal choice.
It suddenly hit me that I was forcing these things on myself and the wonderful part was I didn’t have to do a lot of these things if I didnt want to.
Did I have to take up the Singapore offer just to further my career…nope. Friends and family are more important to me. Does that make me a lesser human, a low achiever?? Does that make the person who makes the other choice better? The answer would be neither!!!
We got to find out what suits us the best and makes us happier. I earn for my friends and family and mostly for myself . To buy loads of clothes, visit new places, buy all the books I want to and to be independent.
Do I need to go to Singapore to do all this….naaaaaaaaaaa. Happiness is inside us. You would not get it in a different place or a different person.
I recently took my mom and grandfather to a movie. It was one of the best times I have ever had. Tatha, who would carry me on his shoulders and buy me stuff in Mysore markets….I held his hand and helped him navigate the escalator. The guffaws my grandpa gave in the movie had everyone in the hall turning towards us!! He even told the auto driver that it was his grand daughter who had taken him to the movie!!!!
It was one of the proudest moments in my life, much more than any academic achievement.
This, is exactly what I earn for .