I have a busy workday today. Too many things to do. But this is an itch that I had to scratch.

I have been following Musica’s blog. She is a wonderful writer and stays true to life. Sometimes she seems like a long-lost friend that I have rediscovered (and a very wise one at that :)) . I came across this blog of  hers and it was bang on..If I could, I would have given her a bear hug.

This is what she says(or rather what her mother tells her):

“Do not carry Garbage, throw it. She still tells me, forget the past, don’t carry your hurt, anger and regrets thorough  your  life, move on. But I can’t shake off few things and still spend many nights brooding over and crying over it. ”

Can I relate to that or what??!!

But it got me thinking about our lives and what I call the ‘fine art of forgiving’.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt’.  (WOW!! so precise)

Since a kid, we have been told that forgiving is good. What we don’t understand or see in practice is the real act of forgiveness. What we usually see is a person who considers himself/herself right telling the other person that he/she is wrong, but they are willing to tolerate them. That doesn’t fit into the definition of forgiveness.

I get very much entangled in the net of right and wrong. There are only a few times that I am able to consciously recognise the fact that I am in that happy place of being right and have judged the other person to be wrong. What this essentially does to me is to remove any responsibility from me- the responsibility to change, to correct myself.This is such a risk free and nice place to be. I am definitely playing safe (at least I think I am/deluding myself).

This is a conversation I had found on the net sometime ago:

“What is the big deal if I forgot to switch off the bathroom light today? You blame me for everything. ”

“It means you don’t care about what is important to me”

“What is important to you is really a stupid thing”

“Oh and what about the things that are important to you? I don’t think I even give a damn about those”

Can any of you relate to this? These are two players who have honed their skills in playing the game of right and wrong.

Just think, if one of these people chose to forgive what the other person said.

Forgiveness can also be used as a cover for a lot of things..

You can repackage judgement as forgiveness. The same – ‘I know you are wrong but I forgive you’, but then keep reminding the person now and then and never let them forget.

Also a sense of superiority can wear the garb of forgiveness. when I say “That guy is not mature enough to understand” – it automatically means that I am wiser as opposed to him/her.

Forgiving is an act of giving. It is a very generous no-holds barred gesture. It is a release, a vent to the giver and the receiver.

I quote “Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. It is something we do for ourselves, to get well and move on..”

Do you need , at least in certain instances for the wrong-doer to apologise, so that we can forgive and move on?? What if the (so-called) wrong-doer doesn’t care whether you forgive him/her? Would you still let go of the bitterness and resentment for your own sake?

And, just because I wrote about this, doesn’t mean I know all about forgiveness and how to give and receive this priceless gift (actually far from it), but I am going to try.

On a lighter note ,

I have tried changing the blog colour scheme to liven it up. How do you think it is??

Also check out my new page (don’t forget to read the disclaimer at the end.)!

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